Do you ever feel like you have no control over your life? Like no matter what you try, how much you plan, it will always come undone?
I don't simply mean the crazy, unexpected things in life, like a car axle breaking or a bridge collapsing. I'm talking about in the simple, macroscopic, worm's view minutiae of life.
Like when you get paid and you think, hm, I wonder if I'll have enough to pay all the bills. Because you a) don't have a budget or b) use it halfway or c) "know that some crazy shit will come up because it always does."
Or You walk into a store and think, I wonder if I'll walk out with empty hands.
Maybe lack of control isn't the right way to express it. Or maybe that's perfect: Maybe it's a lack of self control.
How do you deal with this? (Please, no "just talk yourself out of it," because that hasn't worked yet.)
Thanks.
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If you force yourself to exercise basic control, then you'll be ready for the crazy shit in life and it won't seem so catastrophic. ("Being ready for crazy shit" isn't a very sexy goal, but it's worth it when craziness crops up.)
If I can't talk myself out of something, I try to remember the stress of being broke and why I resolved never to get myself into that situation again. And if that doesn't work, I just avoid places that tempt me.
For instance, I was coveting this winter coat for a whole month, and although I could've easily rationalized the purchase as "Hey, it's Boston, and it's going to get #@$%ing cold," I told myself, "It's not cold yet, and the city will not run out of winter coats." Then, I avoided the shop until I decided it was OK to buy it. And the purchase felt much better than if it had been an impulse buy.
Look at the positive side of things, though: You're so strong these days. (Well, it seems that way to me.) You've seen some daunting challenges in the past, and I think you're now in the best stance to take on life's problems.
(I hope this doesn't sound too preachy or patronizing. If so, it's not my intention.)
I have had to learn self control since my divorce.
It was tough to go from two paychecks (and his was a big one!) to one paycheck but still have the same mortgage and car insurance and basic bills.
It took a while, but I realized that I can buy that $200 bag or I can keep using the perfectly good $200 bag I got back in my married days and put that other $200 toward the principal on my mortgage or in savings or toward paying off the credit card bill I racked up in the time it took me to learn that lesson.
I have never been good with money. But I am trying. And I am getting better about it.
I still can't bring myself to clip the coupons though.
I am broke. Eternally. I literally spend every penny of every paycheck on bills, rent and needed expenses. I probably haven't purchased clothing in a year an a half. Not even one piece. Shit, I haven't purchased any items for myself, save beer, in a year and a half. I just don't go to stores. It will only depress me. I and CAN'T STAND people with dual incomes who claim to be broke. Yeah, you try paying rent/mortgage/car payments/whatever on a single, journalist's income. Then tell me about being broke. Fuckers. If some crazy shit happened, I would have no way to pay for it. Sigh. What keeps me somewhat sane is the thought that I could go work in another job and would totally hate it. So I weigh the pros and cons. For me, money is the biggest of life's stresses because it's constant. I constantly don't make enough. But I would just trade that in for another kind of stress.
We ran a financial advice caolumn here about a year ago and the topic one week was a couple who, with their $90,000 a year combined income, was having trouble paying the bills (mortgage, two pricy cars, credit card debt), putting money into retirement accounts and still paying for an over the top wedding.
Oh and they had just taken a year off work to travel the world.
Reading it just pissed me off to no end.
Um, maybe skip the $40,000 wedding, dumbasses.
Hell, yes, I feel that way. What's worse is that I do stupid things with money even when I know better BEFORE I do them ... and I still do the stupid things, as if propelled by some horrible self-destructive force. In fact, I just did one of the dumbest things I've ever done earlier this month. You'd think at 42, I'd have a little more self-control than I did at, say, 22. But nooooooooooo ....
By the way, why didn't you tell me you had a blog? I had to figure it out from Jill's blogroll ....
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